I’ve been feeling a bit blocked lately, so I am going to take a cue from my BFF @alli_eats_plants and just write for 15 minutes and then hit publish.
So much has gone on lately, and most of it is just our day-to-day goings on, but some of it has been hitting a raw edge with me. The light I have been shining on our “new life” has been a source of frustration for me. Blogging about it has been so helpful, but also made me take a harder look at it at times.
Jake’s “situation” (what else should I call it?) has led us to meet some amazing people, and it has given us a new opportunity to grow our love for each other, for our family, and even for our lives! But it also has its challenges. Many of these challenges have left me feeling like a failure, or a fake, or with feelings of discouragement or ignorance.
Today (5/16/18) marks two full months since Jake got his prosthesis. There have been so many amazing highs in those two months, but there have been some lows also.
Seeing Jake walk, first with a walker, then with a cane, and now with no aids at all–has simply been the greatest joy of my life. Watching him come to grips with how strong he truly is, and seeing him come out of his shell, and invite the world into his story has been wonderful. We have met some wonderful people, including lots of inspirational people with amazing stories.
A lot of our journey towards health began before Jake got sick, but most of our big successes have come after his amputation. One of the biggest highs lately has been going to the gym together. Helping push each other to become stronger has been really great. We have also been making ourselves be more social on the weekends, which does not come easily to an introvert like myself.
The reality of wearing a prosthesis for the rest of Jake’s life has been a little tougher than I would have guessed–on me. Jake has handles it like a champ. He is almost through his first socket already. His residual limb has shrunk a lot and will continue to shrink down over the next year or so. So every week or 10 days, there are adjustments that need to be made to accommodate the changing limb. More “socks” (I plan to make a post explaining all these terms… btw) added between the liner and the socket, then fewer socks, then more socks, then pads, then more pads, then a few more socks, and so on and so forth. The constant worry about his skin, making sure to do skin checks every few hours, making sure we have extra socks in the car, making sure that we aren’t standing too long, making sure there is a place to sit down if needed, making sure to park with extra space on the passenger side so he can get out without too much trouble. Making sure that there is even pavement, making sure that there is an elevator, making sure not to seem like I am making too big of a deal about it, but making sure I recognize the great strides that he is making and encouraging him!
It can all be exhausting. Making sure to take time to take care of myself has been a struggle. Trying to keep myself healthy, eating right and feeling good has not been at the top of my list. Making sure that my house is clean and laundry is done, have not been priorities.
I don’t have to have it all together all the time. There is no race we are running, there is no perfect way to be a wife or friend or sister or neighbor. I am doing the best I can, and sometimes that means having Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and watching Vanderpump Rules. Other times, it is going to the gym after work and sweating it out on the treadmill.
That’s all. I promise to write about the exciting stuff more too!